In a world more obsessed with rules than a hall security guard with a new whistle, the International Women’s  Sports Federation (IWSF) announced today that Lia Thomas, the transgender athlete turned lightning rod, has been banned from participating in women’s  sports.

First, let’s address the elephant in the room, or in this case, the grizzly bear on the diving board. Ms. Thomas, a trans woman, has been making waves in the world of swimming for some time now – literally. It seems that every time he dips his toe in the water, he plunges us into the heated depths of the debate surrounding transgender athletes in sport.

Well, the IWSF, having all the common sense of a group named after an imaginary Star Trek Federation, decided they had had enough of this fuss. They showed Thomas the way out, like a matador waves his cape and says, “See you soon, baby,” or whatever Spanish bullfighters say.

The IWSF’s decision came amid an increasingly heated debate about the physiological advantages and disadvantages between cisgender athletes and transgender women. According to them, their decision was based on a “scientific consensus.” One cannot help but remember the time when the scientific consensus believed the Earth was flat and the center of the universe. Let’s hope its sources are more credible this time.

At a recent press conference, IWSF President Sir Reginald Pompous III defended the decision with the grace of a walrus on a unicycle, noting: “We just need to level the playing field.” In fact, it is quite an innovative vision of equality that can be achieved by banning individuals. Perhaps someone should tell Sir Reginald that innovative thinking is what gave us things like the Berlin Wall and the ban.