Mark Harmon Opens Up About 38-Year Marriage to Pam Dawber: “I Kissed a Lot of Frogs”

In an industry that seems to thrive on fleeting romances and public spectacles, Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber have quietly built something extraordinary: a marriage that has endured nearly four decades. Now 73, Harmon—best known as the stoic and unshakable Leroy Jethro Gibbs on NCIS—has begun to reflect more publicly on the bond that has shaped his life behind the scenes.

“I had to kiss a lot of frogs to get there,” Harmon once admitted when speaking of how he met his wife, actress Pam Dawber. But as anyone close to the couple will tell you, when he found the real thing, he knew not to let it go.

A Love Story That Defied Hollywood Norms

Harmon and Dawber’s story began not at a high-profile event or in a studio lot, but at a friend’s backyard party in March 1986. The connection was instant. Dawber, then starring on the hit sitcom My Sister Sam, had recently compiled a list of attributes she hoped to find in a partner—intelligence, humor, strength, sensitivity—and Harmon “ticked off every box and then more,” she later revealed.

By that summer, the couple was engaged. On March 21, 1987, they married in an intimate ceremony with only close family and friends present. At the time, Harmon had just been named People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” following his breakout role on St. Elsewhere. But the wedding was anything but a media event.

“We didn’t want helicopters circling our house,” Dawber once said, referencing the chaos she had witnessed during her friend Julianne Phillips’ wedding to Bruce Springsteen. Instead, they chose quiet. Personal. Meaningful.

Fame Without the Circus

That preference for privacy became the bedrock of their lives together. Neither Harmon nor Dawber have ever been staples of the Hollywood social scene. Harmon has long shunned social media. “I’m not a Twitter guy or a Facebook guy,” he once said. “Our sons aren’t into that either.”

Dawber echoed the sentiment: “If you don’t want it totally exploited by the press, you have to” live under the radar.

Over the years, they’ve become one of the entertainment industry’s most elusive couples—not because they’re hiding something, but because they’re protecting something.

Embracing Differences

Interestingly, part of what has made their relationship so resilient is that they’re not always in sync. Harmon has joked that he and Dawber “don’t generally like the same things”—and that’s part of the magic. When he signed on for the comedy Summer School, Dawber voiced her doubts: “Don’t do that movie,” she warned.

But those differences, Harmon insists, have helped keep things healthy. “We were both in our thirties when we got married,” he said, noting that maturity helped them navigate the inevitable bumps in the road. “Hopefully the stupid stuff we did earlier [was behind us].”

Family Over Fame

After their sons Sean (born 1988) and Ty (born 1992) were born, Dawber made the conscious decision to step away from the spotlight. “I wanted to drive my kids to school. I wanted to be there for their birthdays,” she said. “And I was very happy to do it.”

Harmon, too, re-evaluated his priorities after missing Sean’s first steps while filming on location. “No job is worth missing life’s most important moments,” he later reflected.

The couple raised their sons away from Hollywood’s glare. Sean eventually followed his father’s footsteps into acting—playing a younger version of Gibbs on NCIS—while Ty pursued a career in screenwriting. In 2021, Dawber made a brief return to television, joining Harmon for a four-episode arc on NCIS as journalist Marcie Warren. It was their first time working together on screen—and by design, not in a romantic storyline.

“It’s fun because Gibbs grunts out a lot of lines,” Dawber said at the time. “They go toe-to-toe.”

Still Going Strong

Now in their seventies, Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber remain as committed as ever. Harmon still wears the same wedding ring—shaped like an eagle’s head—that he’s worn since their 1987 ceremony. “I wear it… because when I’m not shooting, I like to make sure I have something on my ring finger,” he said. “I’m just so proud of her.”

What makes their story resonate is not just the longevity, but the quiet strength that sustains it. There are no tabloid headlines, no extravagant declarations. Just two people who made a choice—and continue to make that choice every day.

“I’m proud to be married,” Harmon said. “And I’m proud of who I’m married to.”

In an era of public spectacles and short-lived romances, the love story of Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber endures as one of Hollywood’s most understated triumphs: built not on fame, but on respect, privacy, and the simple decision to put family first.